Where's the Romance!?

The plan for my third blog was to write about Valentine’s Day. This plan almost got entirely sideswiped by the madness that ended up being last week. A stomach bug along with a head cold made their way through the household, leaving in its wake a couple of tired parents and grumpy kids. Alas, we made it through to the otherside and everyone seems to be regrouping for another week. Anyway, back to the main point,  I thought it would be fun to explore how having kids changes the whole romance dynamic in a relationship (don’t worry, change doesn’t mean for the worse)! Also, and staying true to my gemini nature, there was another more pragmatic reason for wanting to write about Valentine’s Day…I thought it might just nudge me along to be a little more proactive. Well, it didn’t, #epicfail! Who likes pragmatism anyway!? Where was I…kids…romance…right. There are two big changes once you have kids, in the sphere of romance anyway, and the first is that you have significantly less time than you once had and secondly, and perhaps quite naturally, the focus of your relationship becomes that little nugget you so happily brought into the world. So, for us it's always a matter of making some time for our relationship, maybe a night out for dinner (see below) or maybe even something simple like watching our favorite show together after we put the kids to bed. The point is, make time! 

What happens if you don't make time? Well, before you know it days turn into weeks and weeks into months, your little nugget becomes a bigger nugget and you realize you haven’t even had a normal, adult only dinner with your wife – and trust me, this is critical to maintain the sanctity of your relationship (oh and so is wine, lots and lots of wine). It's important because meal time with toddlers is more akin to an episode of Fear Factor than an opportunity to talk to your wife about normal adult things. Take a recent “normal” Sunday night dinner as an example. Max decided to give a full demonstration on how to regurgitate his pasta while Dixon ended up rubbing his sauce into his eyes so that they became as red as the tomatoes! Normal adult discussion, or even no discussion, just preferably no throwing, crying, screaming, puking, or fielding demands from Max to see the “Giant Octopus” (don't ask), during dinner is such a marvelous thing and it does wonders for romance! I guess what I’m saying here is that make sure you make time for each other outside the arena of food throwing and diaper changing.

Equally as important than any dinner out is making sure you find those little moments during the course of your day to day where you can show your love – yes, in between those glorious moments of diaper changing or snot sucking - and remember that there’s nothing wrong with keeping the gestures simple.  After all, what matters here is that you focus on what the point is, showing you love her!

 

P.S. Try this survey with your spouse, it’s a great tool to help you understand the “language” of love you each speak. It’s quick, easy, and a lot of fun and at the very least it will give you something to talk about during your dinner out!